Englishmen abroad

Outdoor Smartphone

To be clear, this isn’t a completely arbitrary list of the best English players to play in a foreign league ever. This is a completely arbitrary English players scoring goals in foreign leagues, ok?

English footballers don’t like going abroad. Why would you trade downtrodden, dirty, grey, bleak old England to live in shitty countries like France or Italy, which can be up to TWO hours away on a plane? A few have been brave enough to try it, and look what they did! LOOK!

5. Mark Hateley, AC Milan (v Inter)
Mark Hateley won 32 England caps, which seems like a decent amount, but given that he scored loads of goals all over the place, including massive games like the Milan derby, I’m surprised he didn’t win more. In the classic mould of English centre forwards, it appears he was a brutal and unstoppable force when the ball was aimed at his head. Exhibit A:

4. David Beckham, Real Madrid (v Cadiz)
You’d expect Dave to have a few free kicks on foreign soil to choose from, and he does. is nice, and I like the way the commentator sounds like he’s telling off his kids when it hits the net, “COME ON! STOP IT!” which made me think, if my dad had been commentating, he could have turned, “JUST PACK IT IN!” into a goal confirming catchphrase of this own.

Anyway, this one for his other team in white, against Cadiz, is better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEV_F5KpJQ4&feature=related

3. Gary Lineker, Barcelona (v Madrid)
Long before Lineker was known for being the biggest crisp salesman in England, he was scoring hat-tricks for Barcelona against Real Madrid. Neh bad, eh? But, against Bilbao is better than any of his Classico goals.

2. Paul Gascoigne, Lazio (v Roma)
You could argue that is superior, but Gazza’s first goal for Lazio was a last minute equaliser against Roma. The stuff of legend.

1. Chris Waddle, Olympique de Marseille (v rest of France)
If Waddle hadn’t lost his feet at the last hurdle, then there would have been no contest, . But, he did score several brilliant goals for Marseille, and was generally awesome, as is shown in this collection of his best moments for L’OM.

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