The Top Five

Outdoor Smartphone

When I’m bored I like to make lists of stuff. Most of them aren’t worth sharing, but these are.

First Touch
Goals scored following a phenomenal first touch. I have a fairly woeful touch , so these are all items of rare beauty in my eyes.

Chips
The most humiliating way to score against an opponent.

Screamers
Dip, bend and raw, brutal power.

Last minute
An hour and a half of turgid rubbish can be immediately forgotten by ball hitting net in the last minute.

Counter Attack
The counter attack is football’s equivalent of the sucker punch. When executed properly, it is the best example of the fluidity of football.

Teed up
I wasn’t sure what to call this category. Basically, these are strikes that the goal scorer has made possible with an instinctive first touch to create the space, followed by an explosive shot. You’ll see what I mean.

Volleys
Shearer’s didn’t make it. Bet he’s gutted.

Headers
Ian Ormondroyd, Kevin Francis, and Devon White – none of them feature in this list.

Team goal
The utopia, everyone gets to join in. Hooray!

Englishmen abroad
English footballers don’t like going abroad, but a few have been brave enough to try it, and look what they did.

Own Goals
Taking pleasure from other people’s moments of personal horror.

Totti Gol
A list dedicated to the scorer of some of the most beautiful goals ever seen.

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