The joy of being a big fish in a small pond

When god was dolling out physical attributes like speed, agility, balance or just a basic coordination of limbs, some of us missed out. For us lesser gifted souls, having a kickabout with some infants is this the closest we’ll get to being really good at football. Goading five year olds into tackles they cannot possibly win, adding a bit of commentary, “oh he’s still going, they can’t stop him, this is sensational!”, and finally, taunting the keeper by performing the worst and most deliberate step over ever. Of course, this is the only time someone like me would dare attempt a moment of flair;  if I tried it on a fives pitch with my mates I’d suffer such a swift and brutal humiliation that I wouldn’t feel confident playing a simple pass for weeks. Playing football with massively inferior opponents is therefore great. Being a big fish in a small pond might seem unambitious. But, on the other hand, why expose your talents to their limitations if you don’t have to? Better to ply your trade at level were you can thrive. Clearly some professionals agreed.

Lee Trundle

In my mind, the lower league showboater is one of the finest and most important characters in the game. If you’re going to play at a s**t level, you may as well live out your fantasies and be fawned over by your public. In recent years no one has shown more dedication to this role than the magnificently named Lee Trundle. We hadn’t seen swagger like this since Ricky Otto played a pass with the outside of his boot at Southend. Soccer AM’s Showboat segment gave Trundle a stage, and he intended to occupy it for as long as possible, reportedly calling the show himself to alert them to his latest highlights. Watching Trundle’s clips it was hard to imagine his repertoire of five-a-side skills would have been anything other than useless at a higher level, but in League One and Two, he was Ronaldinho combined with Zidane. If a simple pass would suffice, Trundle would deliver it as some sort of no-look flicked back-heel. This is the hall-mark of the lower league fantasista – a devotion to pointless flair. Trundle did try to make a step up when he signined for Bristol City in the Championship, but the goals and, more importantly, the Soccer AM highlights, dried up. His legacy is an important warning to all aspiring Football League Francesco Tottis – stay in the shallow end.

 

Steve Bull

A local lad scoring freely and remaining loyal is pretty much the dream for most clubs, even those at the very top of the food chain, because it happens so rarely. Steve Bull won 13 caps for England, but because he never played in the top flight there will always be doubts about his true worth. What cannot be debated is that he was way too good for the second tier, where he spent much of his career with Wolves. But, that’s not where Bull started. Wolves first had to haul themselves back from the brink of Division 4. Bull plundered 102 (ONE HUNDRED AND TWO) goals in two seasons.  To put it into greater context, that’s a third of the 306 goals Bull scored over a thirteen year career at Molineux. Would he have scored goals in the top flight? Probably. But, would he have been absolutely lethal, and guaranteed a twenty goal haul every year? Probably not. Bull was basically the Alan Shearer of the lower leagues – a truly prolific goal machine with enough technique to finish difficult chances, tough enough to take the knocks, and worshiped like a god by his fans. He knew life was unlikely to get better than that. A lesson for us all, well done Steve.

Brian Laudrup

There are numerous names from Rangers ‘nine in a row’ era that could be included here, but Brian Laudrup’s exploits were more enjoyable than most. His achievements in Scotland are easily dismissed because of the usual derogatory views about the quality of the SPL. Also, people tend to prefer talking about his brother, Michael, who had a more distinguished career playing in midfield for Barcelona and Real Madrid. Yeah, fine, but who has the best YouTube video, eh? No contest. The Bri-Man’s highlights are a hundred times more watchable than his older bro’s. His Rangers career was one of the great exhibitions in dribbling; there are endless clips of Laudrup slaloming across SPL pitches, riding tackles like he’s surrounded by a force field. The added joy for Rangers fans was that Laudrup was backed by quality players, so having a blatant soloist was a luxury they could easily afford to indulge, with wonderful results. You should never have gone to Cheslea, Brian, but f**k the haters – you were a fine footballer.

Ali Benarbia, Manchester City.

Monaco, PSG, Bordeaux, and Manchester City. These days that wouldn’t be a surprising career path, but in the case of Ali Benarbia, he was joining City when they were once again the second tier. Ali Benarbia is a different example to the others in that he was a player of some pedigree, but given his background, he could surely have found a club playing at a higher level. He chose wisely, however, because in joining City he became a key part of Kevin Keegan’s wonderfully entertaining side that romped to the Championship title with ease. This was the last Full Keegan team England has seen; City went out to hammer teams, and even if they had a man sent off they kept attacking. They had enough quality to take full advantage of a player with flair, and so Benarbia spent most of that season about thirty yards from goal, slotting and dinking passes to more willingly mobile teammates, and generally looking like a world beater. He scored a few nice goals too, but it was ability to pick the lock at will that set him apart – a rare gift in the Championship, where teams have historically been set up to break the door down with brute force. Following City’s promotion, Benarbia struggled to have the same impact in the faster Premier League, and he left the following season.

A handful of examples, there have been many others. But let’s never forget the key message here: it’s probably better to go through life with absolute certainty that you have god like abilities than to challenge yourself and discover how ordinary you are.