Remarkably, some people decided not to spend Monday night watching Hull City v West HaIf. Granted, there were times in the first half that shook my sense of purpose to its core. What choices had a I made that led me to this point, watching Stephen Quinn competing with Mark Noble on a Monday evening, and trying to care who won?
And then Enner Valencia thumped one in off the bar, and I was immediately at peace once again. Any appraisal of this goal would conclude that it was a decent hit; a shot that crashes in off the wood work is automatically elevated above a good proportion of other goals. But, if it’s accompanied by a good THWACK sound, it becomes hall of fame material
The sound of ball twatting against post or bar on its way into the net is one of the best sounds in football. It represents something unstoppable, and Valencia’s goal was just that, a fizzer that exploded off his boot with minimal warning.
A shot sailing perfectly into the top corner might be more aesthetically pleasing, but the sound of it ricocheting off the frame on it’s way in is infinitely more satisfying. The dream is of course when the ball strikes the underside the bar and is deflected earthwards with enough power to bounce back up into the roof of the net. Basically, it’s . But, the goal mic must have been turned down that day, because it didn’t pick up the sound. The sound of glory.
The clearest and, in my opinion, the best example of this audible delight is Steve Staunton’s Nelinho-lite screamer for Aston Villa. The ball literally thumps against the stanchion of the goal on it’s way in – ‘stanchion’ being the key word here (old goals > new goals). What an absolute beauty, or ‘crackerjack’ :
I put this forward as the best goal sound on Monday night and, as is often the case with social media, some people decided to disagree. These are the alternatives that were offered up.
A few people mentioned Hugo Almeida’s free kick for Porto against Inter Milan, but the sound we hear is not a deep thud of ball against post, it’s the crisp sound of ball against net. A rarer sound, perhaps, and one enhanced by the fact the players and managers appear to be the only people in attendance at the San Siro that evening. I can see why people think this is a good example, but they’re wrong. It’s a satisfying noise but not an exciting one, not in the same way.
Now, this is much more like it, and one of the rarest breeds in football: a goal that strikes both uprights on its way in. Any player who scores one of these in an England shirt should have a 12ft solid gold statue errected in their honour outside Wembley. Step forward, Darren Anderton:
Nigel Clough’s finest hour in a Liverpool was undoubtedly the brace he scored at Anfield when his side were trailing 3-0 to Manchester Ufnited (it finished 3-3). His first goal, which started the comeback, was a 30 yarder into the bottom corner at the Kop end. Not only that, it made a quite delicious sound as it crunched off the post.
A few decent alternatives then, but I’m sticking with Staunton’s as the best audio sensation to accompany a goal. What I think we can all agree on is that scoring an ‘in off’ goal with accompanied by the sound of balling twatting against bar or post is something all footballers should aspire to achieve, possibly above all else.
UPDATE
Since posting this I’ve been made aware of another of this goal by Radoslaw Majewski for Forest against WBA. Everyone else take note – this is what we’re talking about.
Tony Yeboah’s other ‘in off’ thunderbastard Vs Wimbledon was also mentioned a couple of times. One of my favourite goals, but no sound effect, so it doens’t qualify.
